Thursday, December 23, 2004
6:59 PM


When life starts to prove itself hard, it does so in the most painful manner.


There are so many things in life that make me feel sick.

How I wish I could stick to passivity so as to save myself from all the pain. But that would only mean trying to deceive myself into believing that everything is alright when the next thing I just want to happen is to end it all.

Yes. I want everything to stop. But then again, the last teardrop is not to fall just yet.

"Painful" is never so painful unless you start seeing your loved ones hurting. Experience has now taught me one cruel reality: that the most painful experience you can ever encounter is to witness your loved ones so helplessly hurt yet you are fed with the fact that you cannot do anything to help. What makes it even harder is that because you love them so much, you try so hard to forget your own sufferings just to be able to project a strong image from which they can get strength from. Now isn't that plain absurdity--trying to help others... when you can't even help yourself?

If only I could bear all the pain for them, then I would have done so long before. That would have been much easier to bear than to see them now all pained.