Saturday, February 25, 2006
10:51 PM


a little help for a broken soul.

I never thought I'd cry this way again. I'm stronger now, that's what I kept on telling myself. But everything was self-deception...

How can i be strong when things are just treating me so painfully cruel? Is there no better cycle? Why does it have to be that every blissful moment be offset by painful ones? At one moment, your head's up in the sky, at another, you fall and completely lose yourself. Is this how it should really go?

With what I feel for you, I have no doubts, not even ifs. Because for one, you're all I've ever wanted. And if I could only fight for what I'm feeling, I swear I would have done so long before. But what I have is a patient heart that is willing to wait. One that is trying so hard to bear the pain of secretly loving you..

For the longest time, I was wise enough to deny that it was love that existed. But what does being wise have to offer when the heart already starts to feel the twinge? What does it have to give when the heart is already drowning in tears? Does it always have to be mind over heart? Can't they ever compromise?...

You're all that's on my mind every waking and sleeping moment of my life..

You're all that's giving me enough reason to smile...

You're all that's keeping me convinced that I have a beautiful world...

You're all that's providing me much to be thankful for...

And now, you're all that's making me laugh and cry at the same time...

Because of you, I am JEALOUS. Jealous because there is always the feeling that I have to battle against so many people just to get a little of your attention.

Because of you, I am PARANOID. Paranoid because as much as I want to be as close as possible, all I could do is watch you from afar, and painfully satisfy myself with the wishful thinking that somehow, it is me you think of.

Because of you, I am CONFUSED. Confused because I am sheer oblivious on how to deal with all the demands of liking you so much; confused because as much as I want to fight for this feeling, all I could do is wait for things to unravel the way they should.

Because of you, I am AFRAID. Afraid because they exist; I am afraid of losing you, though I know I never even had you.

Because of you, I am HAPPY. Happy because finally, I have found the one really deserving of my love and attention; Happy because I have found better meaning for my existence.

Now tell me, is it not love? Could it possibly be not love? Can't anybody realize that it would be the greatest foolishness for me to still deny it?

If being rational means forgetting you have a heart especially designed to love, then it would be my greatest pleasure to remain irrational for the rest of my life. Because loving you has given me so much meaning that I no longer care about what there is to lose...